With Band of Brawlers a mere two days away, and the full impact of being Head Ref at this bout slowly dawning on me, all I can really say is I want to see everyone there that can possibly make it! I want to see a good clean bout aginst two teams who have everything to prove to themselves and each other - both BBDD and SVRG lost their last bouts and so the competition is going to be blisteringly hot.
And after the last whistle has blown, and the dust has settled on the track, two teams of derby demons will be partying the night away at Subside, comparing bruises and drinking more than the UK Government recommends!
See you all at the bout!
Justine "JC" Credible
Thursday, 20 November 2008
Wednesday, 29 October 2008
Friday, 17 October 2008
Viva GlasVegas!
A troop of Dames will be heading off for fair Glasgow to join in the UK's first ever roller derby boot camp event with guest coaches from the United States --- Ivanna S Panking & Trish the Dish both from Arizona Roller Derby (formerlly from Sin City Rollergirls).
Both are legends in skating... heading up the resurrgence of our sport, they are more than fantastic skaters, they are LEGENDS!
We're soooo excited to be participating... we've forgone a regular bouting practice to attend (one week before our bout!) --- there's loads of activities planned --- including mixed scrimmaging and the UK's first roller derby wedding... now this is a special occassion being officiated by Elvis himself!
It's a unique opportunity for skaters in the UK to have a wee taste of RollerCon --- Glaswegian Style!
Look out skaters --- we're coming for yer wimmin!
More information check here http://www.glasgowrollergirls.com/mouthing_off.html
We'll post the photos we won't be too ashamed to share following the weekend!
x
Tuesday, 23 September 2008
Blitz Beauties Calendar Shoot
Exclusive on the Birmingham Blitz Derby Dames Photoshoot!
So what have you been up to? We’ve been on a fabulous photo shoot darling! Imagine it’s early Sunday morning and you spot a bevy of blitz beauties (plus Chester Drawers) in skimpy uniforms hanging around the Birmingham bull. What would you do? Well I’m sure you wouldn’t send your obnoxious security guards to force us to leave the er ‘private property’. Anyway, who needs the bull when we have much more in common with ‘the floozy in the jacuzzi’ for our stunning snapshots.
After managing not to fall down the steps or in the fountain we headed down to Birmingham Backpackers (it’s like our second home, but with better décor!). Some of the girls were captured on film in the bedroom (ooh er!) while the rest of us chilled out in the lounge, or got our hair done by clever Kiki Kasplat- mistress of many trades! Some lucky ladies got to dress up in leather and sit astride some rather hot rides – Harley Davidson bikes that is – and the rest of us are not at all jealous, no really!
Next we went off on an adventure to Paintball Park in Kidderminster, where we commandeered a tank and entertained the troops by posing to our hearts’ content! Got a bit icky with the paint and dirt but we succeeded in our mission and got pics of Violet Attack straddling a rather large gun (it was her idea!).
While Violet and Kiki went to play dress-up in a grave yard (I can’t wait to see those photos) the rest of us headed for The Cross in Moseley. A few drinks (and some rather nice grub) later we were all raring to have more photos taken: The psycho valentines got saucy, the 50s femmes got fatal, the mad hatters got minxy, the spring pin-ups got super sexy, the boxing babes got bad, and then everyone hit on Santa (in a brutal beating by blockers way!). Finally, the evening saw most of us back at a favourite hangout – Subside – for yet more fabulous photos in our more natural habitat – a bar!
Please note: the pictures included here are from a previous shoot. If you want to see the sexy, sassy Blitz Dames’ pictures I’ve described you will just have to wait for our limited edition calendar to be published!
Monday, 1 September 2008
Viva Las Vegas! Report from the Road from Violet Attack
This was the final team line up, so there were 4 UK teams that made up Team UK (Corr Blimeys), Blitz Dames, London Rollergirls, London Rockin' Rollers and Middlersborugh Milk Rollers.
The Roster:
Sleazy Rider - BBDD
Tear E Hatchett -BBDD
Violet Attack - BBDD
Bette Noir (captain) - LRG
Kitty DeCapitate - LRG
Sky Rockit - LRG
Jack Attack - LRR
Speed Pixie - LRR
Von Bitch - LRR
Germaine Leer - MMR
Rita Von Sleaze - MMR
Miss Sinnocent - LRR
Slice Andice - LRG
Spooky Von Strange - LRG
Team Australia (Farkin Elles) was made of of 3 leagues from Brisbane (Sun State Roller Girls), Adelaide (Adelaide Roller Derby) and Victoria (Victorian Roller Derby League).
We played on Friday afternoon at the Las Vegas Roller Hockey Centre (http://www.lasvegasrollerhockey.com), after being moved from our oringinal location of Flamingo Banks on the Thursday night (which was good cos I had a stinking hangover on Thursday morning!).
None of the UK girls had skated on a surface like that before, which were weird tiles that were quite slippy, apparently that's what they called 'sports court' over there.
First jam went to Sky Rocket (LRG) against Evil Doll. Team Oz took an early lead by a few points.
Second jam went to Violet Attack. There was no lead jammer. I got through the pack first and when I came back round again I got a great whip assist from our pivot Bette Noir (LRG) to take Team UK ahead. I also lapped the Oz jammer.
Forth jam I was up again, this time getting lead jammer. I was able to cut through the pack with ease and call off the jam before the Ozzies got any points! At the end of this jam score was Oz 10, UK 15.
Seventh jam was Tear E Hatchet. It started off great with Tear E getting lead jammer, but as two UK blockers were sent to the penalty box Team Oz's defence was able to strengthen and their jammer was able to pass her taking them to a slight lead. Unable to get through the pack
Tear E called off the jam.
After this the UK tightened up their game. Even though though Team Oz got lead jammer a few times the speed and agilty of UK jammers Kitty DeCapitate (LRG) and Jack Attack (LRR) meant they were able to sneak past the Ozzie jammers, racking up extra points before they even had a chance to call it off.
The last jam of the game went to Violet Attack. After going crashing to the floor early in the jam (I some how landed on my ribs, and it bloody hurt!) I got up and skated through the pain just as the jammer for Team Oz was being sent to the penalty box. Just after I got through the pack the first time a Team Oz blocker was sent off for tripping me! I again rose to my feet and gave it all I could to get those last few points for Team UK.
FINAL SCORE = TEAM OZ, 28 - TEAM UK, 43
Here's some other info/highlights of our RollerCon:
Me and Sleazy being upgraded to business class on our flight out there.
Me being scared shitless of taking off any little bit of turbulance we had and Sleazy having to hold my hand!
Me and Sleazy being upgraded to business class on our flight out there.
Me being scared shitless of taking off any little bit of turbulance we had and Sleazy having to hold my hand!
My ears popping so badly that I could barely hear anything and sleazy not being able to hear anything I said cos I was mumbling (It seems with your ears blocked you sound alot louder in your head than you actually are)!
Leaving Las Vegas airport for the first time and being blasted by the 45 degree heat, we ain't exactly used to that in England!
Me and Sleazy being stopped in the lobby of the hotel by the Chicago Outfit cos they recognised my picture of our Myspaz!
Everyone loving the Violet Attack badges!!!
The amazing abilty Tear E Hatchet has of aquiring the biggest bruises in the world!
After partying the night away with LRR I was so ill I ended up spending half the night on our bathroom floor and had a stinking hangover the next morning!
My amazment at the fact that in Vegas you get chips with your breakfast! (WTF, no wonder they're all fat!)
Me bemoaning to Sleazy that I hate the whole American tipping culture (why the fuck should I tip someone for just doing their job?!)!
Me arguing with Sleazy that planes AREN'T the safest form off transport...
While taking part in the co-ed scrimmages I took out one of the male jammers, Quadzilla!!! (Although I got sent off for it, think I ended up blocking him out bounds!)
All four of us being totally bemused by the extremeness of US TV (apparently just using a mobile could kill you, judges advertise themselve on TV, if you go to a snazzy private hospital you will no longer have terminal cancer!!! and everything is, like TOTALLY amazing!)
Me complaining to Sleazy that she went to bed too early cos I wanted to go out and party (I mean, all three of them were normally in bed by midnight for God's sake, in Vegas!!! So I went off to explore at 1am by myself!)
The 'Dealetainers' at the hotel. How do you fancy Elvis, Tina Turner, Billy Idol or Freddy Mercury dealing you in in a game of poker?! Then, they performed (mimed) in the evening. The rollergirls definately showing Freddy the most love.
Me being pissed that all the UK girls left the black and blue ball early so i had no one to stay with and had to leave too, when my outfit was totally rockin!
Me being the ONLY skater from the UK to take part in the 3 hour Team Awesome workshop on Saturday afternoon (cos the rest of them pussied out!) and being so knackered that I slept through the entire second half of the WFTDA bout that happened after it!
Me being personally fitted for skates by the guys from Riedell! After trying the Black Widow's I was asked by them to try on their brand new boot, the 965. As soon as I put them on I was sold. But have to wait til October for my bright red Minx skates (http://sincityskates.com/2nd/minx.html) as they haven't been put into production yet cos they're waiting for the BRAND NEW plates I ordered them with to be made! (They're the first plates to be made specifically to go either on the right or left boot) Think I'll be the first skater in the UK to have a pair!
Me being asked to be on someone challenge team next year!
Me being pissed that Sin City didn't have my size in the wrist guards I wanted and that the WFTDA stall sold out of the 'Some girls are built for speed vests', but happy that I got to use the money to buy my leather Converse!
Mine and Sleazy's plane to Chicago being delayed because of storms in chicago, missing our connecting flight and having to spend 15 hours in Chicago airport without them even giving us so much as a bottle of water! Luckily, Sleazy had a bit of cash and bought us McDonalds! We ended up getting back to England a day late AND our luggage wasn't even on our flight, mine was delivered the next day!!!
ATTACK
Saturday, 30 August 2008
Helen Fury's Derby Widow Guide
A Roller Derby Widow’s Guide to the Grief Process
So, fellas, and some lucky ladies, your partner has joined the derby. You thought it would be fun for your woman to pick up a new sport, and now you sit in a house full of sexy hosiery wondering when you will see your partner again. This is a challenging time fraught with confusion and loneliness. Know that you are not alone. The mourning process is real. Every widow’s experience is unique, but you may recognise the following:
Denial – Many of us are ashamed to admit that early in the derby widow experience, it is actually exciting. Suddenly, it’s ok to watch a mass of women in short skirts plow into each other without turning off the internet browser filter. Your home is often filled with your wife’s hot, hilarious teammates. Your lover’s fitness is advancing at an astonishing rate, she’s taken over changing tyres, and she seems to have found an inexplicable comfort with firearms. When she drags you to the local all-night roller disco, you beam with pride at her skating skills.
Anger- It’s 9:30 p.m. and you haven’t seen Madamoiselle de Derby since yesterday. The house is littered with skates or wristguards that smell like week-old roadkill that previously subsisted on a diet of limburger. She’s spending all her time doing ‘tracking stats’, writing ‘line-ups’ or glued to some message board discussing the merits of taping make-up sponges to her blisters. Then, when you slump off to the pub to drown your sorrows with your mates, she rolls in two hours after you, red-faced and laughing about the ‘after party’.
Bargaining – You are a product of the modern age, no? You can handle this if she’ll just give in a bit. But your attempts to keep Wednesdays for ‘us’ time and coax her to take the summer hols somewhere where she can’t visit a local league just aren’t making it go away.
Sadness - You miss her. It’s common to experience ‘What if’ questions at this stage, like ‘What if I had just encouraged her to join something more delicate, like street fighting or kendo instead?’
Acceptance – Hard as it may be to understand this, you will eventually learn to embrace your roller derby girl. You may start to realise that your mates crowd around with anticipation to hear about the latest pile-up at practice, that when you finally watch a bout it feels like your first rock concert, or that you’ve tried on the referee stripes and have developed a taste of your own for the track. The women of the roller derby are a rare breed who will find the derby with or without you. All you can do is thank the derby goddesses above, and start on that sign for the next bout.
For more to soothe your soul, visit Birmingham’s own original roller derby league at www.blitzdames.com. Better yet, come to our next bout on the 25th October against London Rollergirls at Cocks Moors Woods Leisure Centre, Kings Heath and see what the obsession is about. Doors open at 3p.m and the action starts at 4pm. Tickets soon to be available online.
Written by “Helen Fury”, #10 Birmingham Blitz Derby Dames, and approved by my own dear derby widow.
So, fellas, and some lucky ladies, your partner has joined the derby. You thought it would be fun for your woman to pick up a new sport, and now you sit in a house full of sexy hosiery wondering when you will see your partner again. This is a challenging time fraught with confusion and loneliness. Know that you are not alone. The mourning process is real. Every widow’s experience is unique, but you may recognise the following:
Denial – Many of us are ashamed to admit that early in the derby widow experience, it is actually exciting. Suddenly, it’s ok to watch a mass of women in short skirts plow into each other without turning off the internet browser filter. Your home is often filled with your wife’s hot, hilarious teammates. Your lover’s fitness is advancing at an astonishing rate, she’s taken over changing tyres, and she seems to have found an inexplicable comfort with firearms. When she drags you to the local all-night roller disco, you beam with pride at her skating skills.
Anger- It’s 9:30 p.m. and you haven’t seen Madamoiselle de Derby since yesterday. The house is littered with skates or wristguards that smell like week-old roadkill that previously subsisted on a diet of limburger. She’s spending all her time doing ‘tracking stats’, writing ‘line-ups’ or glued to some message board discussing the merits of taping make-up sponges to her blisters. Then, when you slump off to the pub to drown your sorrows with your mates, she rolls in two hours after you, red-faced and laughing about the ‘after party’.
Bargaining – You are a product of the modern age, no? You can handle this if she’ll just give in a bit. But your attempts to keep Wednesdays for ‘us’ time and coax her to take the summer hols somewhere where she can’t visit a local league just aren’t making it go away.
Sadness - You miss her. It’s common to experience ‘What if’ questions at this stage, like ‘What if I had just encouraged her to join something more delicate, like street fighting or kendo instead?’
Acceptance – Hard as it may be to understand this, you will eventually learn to embrace your roller derby girl. You may start to realise that your mates crowd around with anticipation to hear about the latest pile-up at practice, that when you finally watch a bout it feels like your first rock concert, or that you’ve tried on the referee stripes and have developed a taste of your own for the track. The women of the roller derby are a rare breed who will find the derby with or without you. All you can do is thank the derby goddesses above, and start on that sign for the next bout.
For more to soothe your soul, visit Birmingham’s own original roller derby league at www.blitzdames.com. Better yet, come to our next bout on the 25th October against London Rollergirls at Cocks Moors Woods Leisure Centre, Kings Heath and see what the obsession is about. Doors open at 3p.m and the action starts at 4pm. Tickets soon to be available online.
Written by “Helen Fury”, #10 Birmingham Blitz Derby Dames, and approved by my own dear derby widow.
Thursday, 31 July 2008
Viva Las Vegas! Blitz Dames Represent Team UK!
Four of our Blitz Dames have travelled to Las Vegas Nevada to attend Rollercon - the Annual International Roller Derby Convention where over 5,000 skaters from leagues across the world congregate in celebration to skate, party and skate some more!
This is the second year that the Blitz Dames have pilgrimaged to the high deserts of Sin City to join forces with other skaters in fever-pitched (and fever-pitched temperatures!) to compete in challenge bout.
Last year, Blitz Dames were joined by other girls from London, Australia, New Zealand and Canada, collectively forming Team World, prevailing against opponents Team USA 46-24!
This year, four of the hardest, fastest and most fearless skaters on the league go to represent Birmingham & the West Midlands on the roster for 'Team UK' to face-off against the Australian dream-team the 'Farkin Elles' for the very first time in history!
Double-Trouble jammer / blocker Violet Attack will show them her back on the track.... Hilda Blizzhard will bust that pack wide open with her fearless rampages. TearE Hatchet will no doubt give them a sneer as she slides by them with the longest legs roller derby ever saw... and making them eat track is our legendary Sleazy Rider!
Team UK is a dream-team of skaters from the Blitz Dames, London Rollergirls, Leeds Roller Dolls, London Rockin Rollers and Glasgow Rollergirls.
The challenge bout happens Thursday, 31st July at 10:15pm PDT - (that's 7 hours behind us!) - UPDATE TEAM UK VS TEAM OZ HAS BEEN RESCHEDULED FOR SATURDAY - MORE DETAILS TO COME!
Even at this time of night the temperatures will be soaring over 41°C!
Best of luck to you Dames --- our wishes and at that time, dreams of your victory will be at mind... We want video, photos and if you can pack me a mai thai!
Skate Hard, Hit Harder.
Bee Sting #101
PHOTO: L-R Sleazy Rider & Violet Attack
Monday, 7 July 2008
Sleazy Rider: Hell on Wheels European Premiere and Open Scrimmaging
Rocking up to Stockland Green Leisure centre just before 4pm on Saturday I was met by a load of Roller Girls – ready to roll – all fired up from the first screening of Hell on Wheels at the Electric Cinema earlier that afternoon.
While our amazing team of track monkeys did some last minute adjustments to fit the two tracks round Stockland Green’s obstacles, (thanks guys!) many girls had already got their skate on and were whizzing round.
After a brief welcome from the lovely Kiki Kasplat, Fury and I had the honour of leading all the skaters (newbies and advanced alike) for the warm-up fun. So many skaters meant we had to split over the two tracks for a quick 10 min sprint and stretch before the fun (and pain) really began...
‘Skate till you puke,’ a Bleep Test and Pyramid Sprints saw an awesome effort from all skaters, refs too! Ballistic Whistle kicked ass more than once in STYP and the Beep test! Ladies – we all got some work to do – we know we’re better than boys!
Sweaty and panting the skaters took a quick break before the scrimmages got going. Advanced skaters took to one track while the newbies got some Sleazy action – working on stops, and falls – in the other. The shouts from the advanced track soon filled the hall and newbies couldn’t help but stand and watch while the real action got under way.
Not one to miss out - I joined the advanced girls midway through the first half, while the luscious Mr Chester Drawers took over newbies – getting them skating pack drills.
Scrimmages were timed-out for a quick reshuffling of teams, before Black & White hit the track once more.
Black team dominated in the first half, but in the second they struggled against the onslaught from the Whites. It’s such a great moment in a derby girl’s life when you skate with other leagues, and pull together to KICK SOME ASS! Special mention has to go to my fellow White team members, Dolly Minxture and Rushin’ Doll from the Leeds Roller Dolls– you two were AWESOME!
On the Black team Von Bitch from LRG and our own Ms Bee Sting hit hard and played fast, I’m sure I’m not the only girl going home with bruise or two!
Scores weren’t kept, but no-one cared. When the final whistle blew we all cheered and hi-fived, grinning like idiots just for being part of this beautiful game!
Newbies got some scrimmaging action too, under the watchful eye of Roisin Roulette and The Skatrix they got their game on for the last 30 minutes.
For the final cool down we all came together on one track for a mammoth game of ‘Dodge Ball’ before exhausted roller girls (and refs) collapsed into crumpled heaps across the track.
Only one thing could revive us.
And that one thing was PIZZA!!!
I’ve never seen roller girls get their kit off so quickly. Ok, so maybe I have ;). Finding energy from somewhere we sprinted from the hall and booty blocked our way to the front of the line. Not that we needed to rush, thanks to Rob & Shnafu we had a line of pizzas spreading out before us like a glorious, edible Great Wall of China. I swear you could see it from space!
Stuffed, weak kneed and starting to hum a little, I said my goodbyes. Leeds RD’s were off home having seen HoW earlier that day. Plenty more were sticking around for the after party at Subside and some were still to see the film, me included. I headed home for a wee rest. No time for napping though, I spruced myself up and was straight out the door again, for the 11pm screening of Hell on Wheels.
At the Electric cinema I bagsied myself a sofa, and stretching out my aching limbs I snuggled up to Kiki Kasplat. Just as the lights were going down I’m sure I saw Chester put his best yawn-stretch-arm-round-shoulder moves on Mistress of Merch, Ms LornaTik - in a bid for a free t-shirt me thinks!
The film was ace! Funny, moving, inspiring and even a little familiar! We all cheered at the end when the Blitz Dames appear on the map of the world, showing how Roller Derby has become a Global phenomenon.
This is something that EVERY Roller Girl should see. I was proud that the hard work of Blitz Dames Helen Fury & Bee Sting had bought this to Birmingham for the European premiere.
I was proud too of all Roller Girls and Derby Leagues everywhere! Setting up a league, running a league and being a skater is hard work. Things are never going to run 100% smoothly, but today showed me that we all here for the same reasons – because we love the game!
And beer. We all love Beer.
In Subside we joined the other skaters to party the night away - in the name of LOVE and in the name of ROLLER DERBY!
A ‘tired-and-emotional’ Sleazy Rider
x
While our amazing team of track monkeys did some last minute adjustments to fit the two tracks round Stockland Green’s obstacles, (thanks guys!) many girls had already got their skate on and were whizzing round.
After a brief welcome from the lovely Kiki Kasplat, Fury and I had the honour of leading all the skaters (newbies and advanced alike) for the warm-up fun. So many skaters meant we had to split over the two tracks for a quick 10 min sprint and stretch before the fun (and pain) really began...
‘Skate till you puke,’ a Bleep Test and Pyramid Sprints saw an awesome effort from all skaters, refs too! Ballistic Whistle kicked ass more than once in STYP and the Beep test! Ladies – we all got some work to do – we know we’re better than boys!
Sweaty and panting the skaters took a quick break before the scrimmages got going. Advanced skaters took to one track while the newbies got some Sleazy action – working on stops, and falls – in the other. The shouts from the advanced track soon filled the hall and newbies couldn’t help but stand and watch while the real action got under way.
Not one to miss out - I joined the advanced girls midway through the first half, while the luscious Mr Chester Drawers took over newbies – getting them skating pack drills.
Scrimmages were timed-out for a quick reshuffling of teams, before Black & White hit the track once more.
Black team dominated in the first half, but in the second they struggled against the onslaught from the Whites. It’s such a great moment in a derby girl’s life when you skate with other leagues, and pull together to KICK SOME ASS! Special mention has to go to my fellow White team members, Dolly Minxture and Rushin’ Doll from the Leeds Roller Dolls– you two were AWESOME!
On the Black team Von Bitch from LRG and our own Ms Bee Sting hit hard and played fast, I’m sure I’m not the only girl going home with bruise or two!
Scores weren’t kept, but no-one cared. When the final whistle blew we all cheered and hi-fived, grinning like idiots just for being part of this beautiful game!
Newbies got some scrimmaging action too, under the watchful eye of Roisin Roulette and The Skatrix they got their game on for the last 30 minutes.
For the final cool down we all came together on one track for a mammoth game of ‘Dodge Ball’ before exhausted roller girls (and refs) collapsed into crumpled heaps across the track.
Only one thing could revive us.
And that one thing was PIZZA!!!
I’ve never seen roller girls get their kit off so quickly. Ok, so maybe I have ;). Finding energy from somewhere we sprinted from the hall and booty blocked our way to the front of the line. Not that we needed to rush, thanks to Rob & Shnafu we had a line of pizzas spreading out before us like a glorious, edible Great Wall of China. I swear you could see it from space!
Stuffed, weak kneed and starting to hum a little, I said my goodbyes. Leeds RD’s were off home having seen HoW earlier that day. Plenty more were sticking around for the after party at Subside and some were still to see the film, me included. I headed home for a wee rest. No time for napping though, I spruced myself up and was straight out the door again, for the 11pm screening of Hell on Wheels.
At the Electric cinema I bagsied myself a sofa, and stretching out my aching limbs I snuggled up to Kiki Kasplat. Just as the lights were going down I’m sure I saw Chester put his best yawn-stretch-arm-round-shoulder moves on Mistress of Merch, Ms LornaTik - in a bid for a free t-shirt me thinks!
The film was ace! Funny, moving, inspiring and even a little familiar! We all cheered at the end when the Blitz Dames appear on the map of the world, showing how Roller Derby has become a Global phenomenon.
This is something that EVERY Roller Girl should see. I was proud that the hard work of Blitz Dames Helen Fury & Bee Sting had bought this to Birmingham for the European premiere.
I was proud too of all Roller Girls and Derby Leagues everywhere! Setting up a league, running a league and being a skater is hard work. Things are never going to run 100% smoothly, but today showed me that we all here for the same reasons – because we love the game!
And beer. We all love Beer.
In Subside we joined the other skaters to party the night away - in the name of LOVE and in the name of ROLLER DERBY!
A ‘tired-and-emotional’ Sleazy Rider
x
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